I’m so random. One moment I’m like “I love you, please don’t leave me”. Then next moment I’m “Get out, leave me alone”. Wow.
I gave up when I realized that I don’t make you any more than I break you. Instead of blooming, you wilt. And that’s not right. You are beautiful and wonderful. And if I’m not the man who can make you feel, treat you like a princess, then I shouldn’t be the one who gets to keep you. That’s why I let you go.
I told you to fight for me.
Never give up even if i have,
Keep holding on even if i let go.
Because this is my tendency.
This is where I’m good at.
I push people away.
I’m not worth fighting for.
Because you gave up.
I may have been too hard on you.
This was when I learned that you have to give up your life as you know it to get a new one: that sometimes you need to let go of everything you’re clinging to and start over, whether because you’ve outgrown it or because it’s not working anymore, or because it was wrong for you in the first place.
I feel empty.
So this is how it feels.
So this is what they call “break-up”.
This is that thing that I long want to happen.
This is that thing that I think that is best to do in our situation.
The thing that’s rooted from my unfaithfulness in this relationship.
The thing that I wanted to gain back my freedom.
Now that I had it,
Why does it still feel so empty?
Why do I feel so lost?
Why does my heart feel so numb?
Why do I feel guilty?
Isn’t this the right thing to do?
Did I make the right decision?
Is this really what I want?
Is this really what WE need?
I don’t know anymore.
My head is clouded with memories.
Memories that could have been squeezed through the juicer in our hearts so that we can learn to love again.
But instead it was like mist in the windshield of a car
Wipered aside and let the water flow.
Like the tears in her eyes when I told her to let me go.
It crushes my heart to see her like that,
But I don’t want to do this anymore.
Our feelings for each other bloomed like roses, so beautiful.
Yet was picked a little too soon. Too young.
I was too excited, and she was too afraid.
We should have waited for it to grow a little more. Bloom a little bigger.
Hence we helplessly observed
As its petals turn brown.
As its fragrance turn foul.
As the sweet talks turns to arguments.
As the love we had turn into annoyance.
I promised her forever.
But I guess like the flower,
Our forever was short lived.
Hey! Get out of my head.
I need to think things through.
Just stay here in my heart.
Keep it beating for you.
If people are drugs,
Then she is methampethamine.
She makes me lose my appetite
When I’m with her.
She keeps me awake at night
Thinking of her.
She keeps me focused
On the details of her.
She distorts my version of reality
Whenever she holds my hand.
Then she destroys me
With every kiss,
With every hug,
With every word that she said.
And she kept me addicted.
Kept me wanting more.
Kept me coming back.
Because when I’m with her
I lose myself.
if i held you before, i’m sorry about letting go
if i kissed your lips, i’m sorry about the poison
if i walked with you, know that i still do
if i wrote you letters, know that i still send them
if i am forgiven, i’m still so sorry about me
if i am still loved, know that i love you too
if i am forgotten, i still remember all of you
if i am missed, i miss you and never stopped
if you still hate me, it’s okay i hate myself now
if you still can’t, don’t worry it gets better
if you are still lost, so am i, don’t you worry
if you are cold, i’m in the artics with you
if you were my passion, you’ll always be so
if you wanted to call, i’m sorry i didn’t pick up
if you still write about me, i still write about you
if you can’t go on, remember that you must
if you remember my smile, i remember yours
if you are alone, it’s okay to be reflecting
if you are with someone, that’s good. i love it
if you still cry yourself to sleep, hey, it’s fine
if you have loved me once, don’t do it again
if you were once poetry to me, you’ll always be–
one last thing, i love you.
I’m a perennial liar.
Yes I am.
And I don’t love you.
I don’t care.
About your feelings.
It’s your loss.
I’m not hurt.
When you said you love me.
Then you left.
I wasn’t hurt.
As a matter of fact,
I wear this smile.
To remind you.
I have shrugged it off.
You never were anything.
I knew you’re going to leave.
In one way.
And I’m smart.
To never fall in love.
I’m a perennial liar.