Everything was fine.
Then I heard your name.
I realized that it could have been better.
It’s been some time since the last time I went through this account to write about anything. And since I really wanted to write but I’m void of any ideas to write about, I went trough my drafts. (Wow. I nearly forgot that there’s a draft option in here.)
Anyways, as I scrolled down, I stumbled upon this
If I remember it right, this was the time that I was so desperate to have a girlfriend because of various reasons like, “all of my friends have girlfriends”, “I don’t want to finish college without even experiencing being in a relationship”, “I want to know what it’s like to …”, and some others.
I really believed that this girlfriend-boyfriend thing is like some kind of game. Where you go and try to get the attention of the other, then you try to get to know each other, go on dates and see if you’re compatible, put endearments, labels, everything what have you. And then when everything falls, you leave, and move on to the next.
But now I guess it’s more complicated than that. It’s more stressing and more complex than I thought it would be. There were times where I wanted to end the relationship, but I care so much about her that I’d rather not end. I have never been so wrong when I treated it as some kind of a game. Feelings really aren’t meant to be played with.
So now, if there’s anything I would like to tell this guy, I’ll say “Hey, calm the fuck down. you’re not ready yet. Just enjoy your life being single”.
The thing is, she’s in love with “baby”. But “baby” wasn’t the real him. Baby loves her. He loves someone else.
I’ve been working with editing softwares since I was 2nd year high school. The ctrl and z buttons had been my best friends since then. Everytime I make any mistake or imperfection, i can just tap these two and I’m saved.
But the thing with the “undo button” is that, there’s a limit to its powers. Especially when it’s your first time and you’re already too deep into the editing, there are a lots of instances where no matter how hard you press the ctrl and z keys, the changes that you’ve made can never be undone anymore.
So what do I do?
I start again. From the very beginning. Even if it’s time consuming. Even if it seemed all my efforts were wasted. Even if I knew i’m time bound. Because for me, it’s better to start again from scratch than to finish with an end product that I’m not proud of.
But acually, it’s never really wasted – the time I spent on the first try. Because the first time is always the learning period. There will surely be a lot of mistakes. Minor mistakes could be undone with “ctrl + z”, but the major ones most of the time requires a do over.
Now, in real life, there are also these instances where we make some decision and regret its consequences afterwards. Too bad, life doesn’t have an undo button so we can correct our mistakes.
But in real life, we have a “do over” option. We can learn from our mistakes. We can change ourselves for the better. We can start again.
Yes. It will be difficult. It will be time consuming. But one thing I know, it will be worth it.
I hope I get this right this time.